


and suddenly i see

by their_dark_materials



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Pete Barton, Coming Out, F/M, M/M, Robert Sugden Helps Another Bisexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 00:19:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16862701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/their_dark_materials/pseuds/their_dark_materials
Summary: To say he’s surprised would be a bit of an understatement. It’s not exactly bad, but it is kind of different. He’s not used to the feel of his lips grazing stubble. On the whole, it’s not that different from kissing Emily — a girl he’d been seeing for a while until her family moved away — so when Luke kisses him back he goes with it.Or, Pete realises he’s bisexual and Rhona and Robert help him through it.





	and suddenly i see

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peoplediedrobert](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peoplediedrobert/gifts).



He’s all of 19 when he meets Luke while out on a night on the town.

He’s a friend of a friend and just happens to be a farmhand looking for work. Pete likes him well enough so he says he’ll put in a good word with his dad. (Nothing like a night of shared drinking to bond you and make you fast enough friends.)

Because he’s Pete and keeps his word, he actually does tell his father when they are looking for more help. Thus, Luke Williams becomes the latest hire on the family farm.

Time passes and they grow closer. Luke is funny and cool and Pete laughs at all his jokes. One day, the two of them, as well as a couple of other friends, go camping in the woods.

One by one the other lads end up going to bed and just like that it’s down to Pete and Luke, laughing and sharing a drink over the campfire.

The night air is cool and the light is warm and Luke keeps saying the funniest things, firm hands slapping Pete’s thigh in the process. When Pete finishes laughing he realises it feels kind of nice, and before he knows it, he and Luke are kissing.

To say he’s surprised would be a bit of an understatement. It’s not exactly bad, but it is kind of different. He’s not used to the feel of his lips grazing stubble. On the whole, it’s not that different from kissing Emily — a girl he’d been seeing for a while until her family moved away — so when Luke kisses him back he goes with it.

They don’t actually do anything that night; just some over the clothes grinding. But it’s all so new and different.

At some point in the early morning, Pete wakes up in his tent and finds Luke fast asleep right next to him. He smiles to himself and goes back to sleep, enjoying the feel of another boy’s arms around him.

In the fresh light of morning, Pete can’t tell if the previous night was a dream or not. He’s confused and he’s fairly sure Luke and he will never speak again. But then he emerges from his tent and Luke smiles at him across the fire and everything feels right in the world. Somehow he manages to make a joke in greeting and when he hears Luke’s laugh, he finds himself thinking it’s a very nice sound. (Pete’s not actually used to hearing Luke laugh a whole lot. Mostly because he’s the one doing all the chuckling.)

Things keep going between them, escalating bit by bit, until they actually do sleep together one night. (It’s out among the stars because both of them like nature, and they’d driven out into a field because a pregnant sheep was in distress. They end up birthing a lamb together, so really, they’ve never been closer.)

But like all teen romances, life gets in the way. Luke’s mother falls ill and he needs to move away. They say their goodbyes and vow to keep in touch. But Pete’s not good at writing — or using his words much — and never quite knows what to say. Though a month later, Pete mails him this bracelet band thing he made out of some leather, using the skills Luke had taught him over the course of their sort-of dating. (Ross was too busy getting into trouble to realise his big brother was mooning over another guy, and Finn was crushing on one of his own friends, so neither of them nor their father really notices or questions Pete.)

Flash forward years later and Pete’s dating Rhona. Things are going quite great. They’re happy together, and Leo seems to like him. When Finn came out, Pete took it in stride, because really, who hasn’t been there and sucked another guy’s cock?

However, every now and then, he sees Robert and Aaron and how they’re sitting in the pub and the way they smile at each other and joke and whisper, and at his most single he’s thought to himself that he wouldn’t mind meeting the right guy after all. (He’s pretty sure he’s actually heard them fucking in the men’s bog once or twice, neither of them is as quiet or inconspicuous as they think they are.) He’s unsuccessfully been with Debbie and Priya and Moira. Before Rhona things had been less than smooth in the lady department.

Still, he never voices that little thought aloud, because who’s he supposed to go to about that? Finn isn’t around anymore, and besides, if he had when was, he’d have thrown him a giant party and made a big deal about it and Pete Barton is just not that kind of guy.

One day, late at night, after he’s had a few drinks in him, he considers asking Robert and Aaron. Because maybe either of them will have an idea? But he never really gets too far in the conversation, just keeps asking them if they’re “alright” and if they want a drink. Both of them usually just nod and smile politely back at him, perpetual confusion in their eyes.

Not that it matters now that he’s dating Rhona and those thoughts have all but fallen away from his head. He’s so damn happy now — Leo and Moses are even sort-off friends now. (Pete is relieved about that because he’d been worried.)

Only one day he’s doing some farm business in the next village over, and he hears a laugh he wouldn’t forget even in his dying moment. It’s a sound his younger self dearly missed and dreamed about for far too long; a smile it chased for an entire summer.

He looks around the space and who can it be but Luke, standing there and looking as good as ever.

He makes a joke and it carries over to Pete’s ears and he momentarily forgets himself, laughing loudly like like they’re still more-than-friends and that’s when Luke actually looks over.

He smiles and they reintroduce themselves, not quite getting over the initial shock. Pete’s not sure but it seems like Luke can’t seem to stop admiring his arms, and he’s just as stunned at how well Luke filled out. Apparently, you can grow even taller and more strapping than you were at age 19. (Pete never realised this even though it’s exactly what happened to him.)

They agree to meet for a drink later, and Pete’s entirely too nervous; Luke said he’d come to the Woolie and Pete had nodded and said, “Sure” a part of him still super stunned at this random happening.

He only remembers Rhona’s going to be meeting him there later. But he can’t quite say no to either of them, so he just tells her he’s met an old friend and he’s coming for a drink with them. She smiles and says she can’t wait to meet one of Pete’s old friends. She wants to know all about his youth. Pete just nods and smiles distractedly.

When the time comes, he’s absolutely buzzing, unsure what to do or say. He keeps sipping his drink but it’s not really helping. Just as he’s at his most nervous, his belly doing flipflops, Luke comes through the door and everything stills and he realises there was nothing to be nervous about in the first place.

He joins them at the table, sitting right across from Rhona on Pete’s other side, and he’s friendly and polite and charming. For the second time that day Pete can’t seem to get over how his jaw has filled out, or how his hair has gotten all dark and the way his eyes are still that rich slate grey. (He also doesn’t forget to note all of Luke’s since-developed muscles, the violet Henley he’d chosen to wear doing his physique all sorts of favours.)

And that’s not the only thing that’s gotten better since. So has his witty sense of humour. Within no time at all Luke has them both cracking up, Pete laughing now more than he ever used to.

Eventually, the hour gets late, and Luke says he should probably get going and get some sleep. They say their goodbyes, with Luke and Pete friendly hugging and Rhona gives Luke a kiss on the cheek.

Pete only half listens as Rhona tells him Luke’s a lovely guy, and why didn’t he ever introduce them sooner. (He’s busy staring at Luke walk out the door, his heart still fluttering and pounding.) He tunes back in just in time to hear her ask if they were very close friends, Pete blushes and laughs, because yeah, they technically were, weren’t they?

Rhona notices the way he blushes and how he can’t seem to meet her eyes and because she’s smart she realises the way his eyes had lingered when Luke had walked away and in a snap, a small part of her just kind of knows. She looks at him kindly, and then in a soft kind of whisper, she asks, “Were you more than that?”

Pete’s eyebrows shoot up high because he’s never told anyone and it had never occurred to him that this is something he should tell Rhona.

But he doesn’t worry for too long because she’s gently stroking his arm and going, “You know, it’s perfectly alright if you were. Because it’s perfectly alright to be bisexual. I mean, look at Robert! Look at ‘ness!”

It’s this that kind of gets Pete freaking out a because he’s just Pete. He’s never really thought he might be bisexual.

He hears Robert and Aaron laugh from across the bar — probably something Vic said because she doesn’t look too amused at the bar — and now he can’t breathe, because what does it even all mean???

Rhona, forever a champion, waits for him to catch his breath. When he finally does, he blurts out, “It was only one summer!”

She sits there and listens as he tells her all about it; how they’d laughed, how they’d kissed, how he’d fallen in love with Luke’s smile.

Eventually, she does ask about other men. He says that Luke was the only one. He’s never felt anything like that for any man since. Does that mean he’s still… you know, what she said?

She says she’s sure it all still applies. (She’d looked it up around when Vanessa decided she was officially “questioning.”)

After he’s calmed down a little — though his heart is still pounding — she asks him if he needs some time and if he wants to reconsider this. Pete says, “No. Because I really love ya, I just never considered bein’ anythin’ but…”

“…Pete?” She asks lightly, because she’s sweet like that. And then he laughs because she really can be quite funny.

She tells him that he should go talk to Luke, just to get closure if anything. He asks if she’s sure, because now there’s an itch that’s growing, and she says, yes with a smile that’s just a tiny bit sad, and altogether too kind and understanding.

Pete considers it for a second and decides he just has to. So he finishes the last of his drink, gives her a kiss, and then makes his way over to the B&B after all.

He knocks on the door, and Luke opens after the fourth or fifth knock. He’s shirtless and fresh from the shower.

Pete can’t speak, because Luke is a very fine man and his heart is beating erratically.

He asks to come in, and Luke says, “Yes.”

Then he asks, “Is everything alright?”

Pete says, “Yes,” but then he says, “No.”

And then he asks Luke when he knew he was gay.

Luke laughs, booming and lovely, and then he says, “I’m actually bisexual.”

It’s that word again, and Pete just gapes. “What do ya mean?”

“I like both. Men and women,” Luke explains gently. “I thought you already knew that.”

Pete says, “No. Actually, I didn’t.” (Because, honestly, all he ever thought about was that smile and how to keep making it happen. He never really paid attention to the relationships that had come before it.)

Luke says yes, and tells him all about how he came out a few years after he moved away, because he met this guy and really liked him. “But what about you, Pete? Does Rhona know?”

Pete shakes his head. “No. Not exactly. Never thought I had to. You were the only one.”

Luke smiles softly and it reminds Pete of Rhona, of the acceptance and understanding in her eyes.

Luke says, “You were my first love too.”

And then, after a moment of silence where they sit together on the edge of the bed comfortably, he asks, “So, how can I help you, Pete?”

As with Rhona, he doesn’t really have the words, but Pete does his best to explain anyway. He tells Luke about Rhona and what he’d told her and what she’d told him and how hearing Luke say the b-word again has kind of confused him.

Luke nods and leans a bit closer, and then a little bit more, until they’re right in front of each other. He leans forward and kisses Pete lightly, before attempting to deepen it further.

Only Pete’s heart kind of stops and everything stills and he realises something he hadn’t quite known earlier.

They break apart and Luke asks, “Everything alright?”

Pete says, “I don’t think I really like ya.”

Luke laughs, and it’s nice and familiar. But Pete doesn’t feel the need to chase it as he once had.

However, he does feel bad so he tries to clarify, “I do like ya, I really do…”

“It’s just you’re not in love with me,” Luke finishes for him.

Pete nods because Luke’s always gotten him, and this is a fresh little reminder.

“It’s okay,” Luke tells him warmly. “I’m not all that into you either. Though if you were single I’d try and see if something was still there.”

He winks and Pete nods again because he knows what he means. His heart is tugging but that’s only out of nostalgia and fond reminiscence, not because of actual feelings.

Pete laughs — though not as much as before — and he tells about Debbie and Priya and Moira.

And just like that, they’re friends again, Luke reacting at all the right parts. (He also roasts Pete and all his mistakes for good measure.)

Finally, they’re just sitting there in this kind of prolonged silence, the one that settles on you in a good kind of way, where you’re just happy to be still and warm and comfortable.

“You know, I’m not sure what I even came here for,” Pete says into the quiet. “Just felt like I had to see ya.”

“It’s clearly because you couldn’t resist me,” Luke jokes, casual and easy, and Pete laughs. Though once again, it’s not nearly as much as before.

A beat passes and then he gets a bit serious, saying, "I supposed just wanting to see you again meant I might want to get back with ya.”

He realises what he said and then rushes to add, “But like I said, I don’t still fancy ya.”

“That’s not how any of this works,” Luke says kindly and Pete appreciates the way he skirts around the b-word. He’s not really ready for it to be applied to him yet.

“You can like both, but you usually only fall for one,” Luke continues. “I’m glad you found Rhona. You’re really quite lucky. She’s a lovely woman.”

Pete nods, because nothing has ever been truer. He thinks that every morning when he wakes up in bed, or when she smiles at him over breakfast, or orders in advance for him at the pub, knowing his order better than he does.

“I should probably get back to her,” He says getting up and heading to the door.

Luke just smiles and nods, because before they were lovers (or even boyfriends) they were just two very good friends.

Pete says goodbye, and Luke wishes him luck and jokes that he should invite him to the wedding. Pete laughs (again, much less than before) and says he’s hoping there’ll be one to invite him too.

They promise to keep in touch again. Only now they swap numbers. Because while Pete can’t write for shit, he can definitely make an effort to text. (That’s another thing Rhona’s been helping with. Ever since they’d gotten together he’s wanted to be better at that, to match her level of effortless open communication.)

He goes back to Rhonas and knocks on her door and when she opens it, he steps in and kisses her.

She’s taken by surprise, but she completely goes along with it, and Pete finds that time doesn’t stop, rather it expands and stretches and speeds up in a rush — the same way it does every time they kiss.

“Not that I’m upset, but what was that for?” Rhona asks when they do break apart, and Pete is a little pleased to see her flushed and panting. He smiles down at her, tickled by the difference in their heights, and says, “You’re right, I think I am bisexual.”

Rhona laughs because she loves being proved right. And Pete? Well, his heart is all swollen. He’s found another laugh that’s just gripped him by the heartstrings, and right now he knows he’ll happily chase it forever.

They spend the rest of the night — because Leo’s at Marlon’s — talking and fucking and talking. The whole thing is interspersed with bits where Rhona pulls up photos on her phone and asks him if he thinks these different guys are fit. Pete goes along with it at first just to kind of humour her, but then he finds himself getting really into it.

As they discover, he doesn’t really have that much of a type, but Tom Hardy is the one that comes closest. Rhona falls asleep, clearly dreaming of that threesome, while Pete holds her in his arms and keeps thinking.

The next day he runs into Robert outside the cafe, he’s standing there and grinning down at his phone. (No doubt, Aaron texting him about something or another. Even Pete knows by now that that’s his “Aaron” smile, the one Robert flashes anytime it’s something to do with his husband. He’s never met a couple that’s this level of into each other. A part of him hopes he and Rhona get there someday.)

Finally, Robert notices him and raises an eyebrow. “Can I help you with something?”

Even though he’s thought about this a fair bit, and kind of tried to practice, Pete ends up just blurting out, “I’m bisexual.”

Robert pauses, then just looks around in case Pete’s pulling his leg. (Or in case, Ross put him up to it.) But he must see something in Pete’s face because he too softens and says, “Why don’t we grab a drink?”

Pete nods. He took the morning off work. Because sometimes, coming out is a perfectly good occasion. (Not that he told Moira, even though he’s sure she’d understand. He just figured one at a time might be better.)

They sit down at the pub, at a table away from the bar (and Matty) and Robert asks questions like, “When?” and “How did you know?”

Pete tells him about Luke and about last night with Rhona, and Robert, for once in his life, listens carefully to someone who isn’t Aaron (or Vic or Liv).

“I don’t know why I felt like I had to tell ya,” Pete says eventually. “Just wanted someone else to know, I suppose.”

“Coming out’s different for everyone,” Robert says. “Took me a long time to get there and then be okay with it.”

He adds, more kindly than he ever really is, “But it’s good that you have Rhona to help you with all this. Don’t know if I’d have ever gotten there without Aaron.”

Pete sips his drink and then asks, “What comes next?”

For a second he thinks Robert’s going to laugh at him, but then Robert manages to school his features and say, completely deadpan, “Well, there’s the weekly bisexual meeting every Tuesday, and the bisexual manual and quiz. Oh and don’t forget the annual bisexual parade and party.”

When he realises it’s a joke, Pete laughs out loud, because the question had felt a little silly after he’d asked it.

But Robert’s back to be being serious again because he says, “You decide what comes next. You might want to come out to Ross, or even the entire village. Or you might be fine just keeping it to yourself. The important thing is that you know and Rhona knows.”

“Thanks,” Pete says with a grateful smile.

“Anytime,” Robert says, giving him a nod. “Just remember, you’re bisexual. Not Batman.”

Robert gets another text and he does that “Aaron” smile, so Pete decides it’s best to get out of his way.

He heads back to Rhona’s because there’s nowhere else he’d rather be. (And he’s now in the mood to roleplay Batman.)

::::

Over in the portacabin, Aaron asks Robert why he’s smiling. Robert looks back at him and smugly says, “Turns out gaydar is real after all.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was bitten by this bug forever ago during a chat Amanda and I had on DM and then I couldn't get this idea out of my head just because so much of Pete's past is open to interpretation and he seems like the kind of guy who wouldn't ascribe to labels, to have a queer teen daliance and leave it as is; unexplored and unquestioned. So when it came time for her birthday, I wanted to dust off this old bad boy and polish it up, because Amanda deserved something nice. 
> 
> One of the things that was most fun about exploring this through Pete's eyes instead of say, Robert, was that I got to tackle the preconceptions through other characters while really revelling in the general confusion one would feel. Also, Robert being helpful with someone's coming out experience is really catnip to me, especially since his own journey has been exactly that, a whole journey. In this way, we get to see a softer, more understanding side of someone that doesn't really reveal it to others so casually. 
> 
> If you have any other thoughts, questions, comments, or concerns, please do hit me with them down below or on tumblr under @rustandruin. (And yes. I'm still plugging away at my big bang.)


End file.
